Was it all worth it?

About a week ago I ran my first marathon. It was a quiet and frosty morning. The start and finish line were my driveway and I was the only competitor, which meant that I won the event (and lost technically having placed first and last).

Like so many interests I have picked up over the years, my goals on running have changed more times that I care to recall, but the one that has remained constant was to run that distance.

26.2. Just a number right? But for novice runners this number has a hold over us in the same way as the height of Everest does for mountaineers or speed does for racing drivers.

The run itself was uneventful. Camelbak, Garmin, iPod and a handful of SiS Smart1 gels (berry and caffeine) and the whole thing went without a hitch. Under 4 hours for my first attempt was a very pleasant surprise and slightly faster tan I would have paced myself, but when it feels good, it feels good. What can I say.

People who I have told can't seem to understand the desire to run this distance and this made me reflect on whether or not it was worth the early start, the discomfort of running in the freezing cold and the aches afterwards.

I assure you that it was.

For those thinking about running a marathon soon or in the future, there is something a little bit magical about going the distance. I learnt a lot about myself as a runner during the four hours I was on the road. Like how often I need gels and how much water I get through. Where the aches come in and equally strangely, when they disappear. My knee ached at 7 miles and was feeling great again by 15. I took a gel every three miles after the first 10).

I realised that I am capable of accomplishing great things with determination and preparation. I have scoffed at the 10% rule in the past and I am sure that some can do without it. But for me, it got me to 22 miles, injury free and prepared for that last push to 26.2.

It made me realise that for me it is about going the distance alone and accomplishing something personal. Something which only a year ago I never thought I would manage. So was it worth the training, the preparation and the effort? Hell yes it was.

 I always expected to run 26.2 and then collapse in a heap, exhausted. Overjoyed but drained of all energy. I was surprised and happy to find that I had loads left in me. I'm not saying I could have done it all again, but I could have run further. I ached, sure, and needed a few days recovery. But I was far from spent.

2012 is to be my year of ultras with my first ultramarathon planned for May. Whereas before it loomed on the horizon like an approaching storm ready to test me and try to break me. It now seems like a challenge to prepare for. Finishing it will be a huge challenge but I now believe I can.

Looking back at 12 months of recording my running in a blog, I've accomplished more than I would have imagined. Not just the distance and the experience or the results and the medals. But a sense of achievement and personal pride which other interests have never given me.

I was asked once why I run and I did not know the answer.

If I was asked now I'd reply "Why wouldn't I?"

Fwd: Why run?

Why run?

I've lost count of the number of people who have asked me this or the number of times I've asked it of myself. The truth is I have no idea.

It all started one day when my brother asked me to go for a run, as he was training for a charity event and wanted some company.

My first thoughts were, in no particular order;

Why the hell is my brother running if he's not being chased?

Why the sudden fascination with running when his car seems to be working?

If he's doing it could I?

After a few tentative runs of slowly increasing distance I discovered lots of benefits to running. I was losing weight, I was looking better and feeling well. I discovered whole parts of the local area I never knew existed and a whole community of runners across the world, more than willing to share tips and secrets. More over I found a sport which was open to all, wasn't expensive and didn't have pre-conceived ideas of what a typical runner should be.

All of these benefits were apparent but none of them ever answered the question "Why Running?"

Why not another sport, why not join a gym or take up football?

The question rings loud in my ears with every footfall of a long run and it's met with nothing but the echo of my footsteps in response.

I've struggled with weight and personal image for as long as I can remember. And it's strange because looking at photographs of my past I was never as big as I thought. I guess (or I hope) that everyone has those voices in the back of their mind telling them what they can not achieve, or how useless/stupid/fat/ugly they are. The problem is I'd listened to them so long I could only identify myself by their descriptions and despite the good stuff going on in my life, I still felt like the loser they described.

In running I found a sport which allowed me to test my own self perceptions and my own limitations. I wasn't being compared to team mates or peers, it was just me and the road. And I could push myself as hard as I wanted. Over time a strange thing happened.

I got better.

I began pushing myself to the limit in order to find what I was capable of and the response wasn't a voice telling me that I don't look like a runner, or another telling me I'm too fat to run and chasing me down.

The response was my footfall on the pavement, the rhythmic beat that showed I wasn't slowing. I was moving forward. Literally taking a step and doing something positive.

It was me doing something more than most.

While others sat in and vegetated I was on the road or in the gym and I was running and accomplishing something.

So where am I now?

I'm 20+lbs lighter than I was six months ago and feel ten years younger I'm faster than I've ever been and have taken part in some amazing events and met some great people through running. I have a more positive self image. The voices are still there but now when I run, it's not to get away from them, it's to shut them up and show them what I can do.

And on the long runs, either by street light or in the sun, the beat still goes on. I keep moving one foot in front of the other and I keep running.

Why run?

I've no idea, but the answer is just over the horizon and if I keep running faster I might just catch it.

www.therunningman-ayearinrunning.blogspot.com